Class is about over, you’re blue and depressed.
The vase and the blossoms are really distressed.
Your values are bad, the background is mud.
"Oh Lord!" you exclaim, "It’s just one more dud!"
The highlights you see all have the wrong tint.
Teacher pauses and says, "Why don’t you squint?"
You do and you have until you feel wrinkled.
Your eyes are red-veined and have lost all their twinkle.
You switch to the ducks you started last week
And after awhile they each have a beak.
But feathers are difficult, the ducks look so bare.
Time to back off, sit down on a chair.
Sip on some coffee, munch on some bakery
And think–perhaps you can just use some fakery.
But no, there are really no easy answers
To painting the sheen on those dog-gone mergansers.
And so, we all agonize, complain and groan,
Weep and sob and rave and moan
But year by year some errors grow fainter.
Some day, one of us may be a great painter.

The Sign in the Church Yard

I saw the sign in the church yard,
"Jesus is Coming Soon."
Really, I thought, I don’t believe
Did you see Him that afternoon,
His brown hair waved to his shoulders,
His robe the color of wheat
Was it tied ‘round his waist with a cord
Did it fall to his sandaled feet?
How would he be dressed, I pondered,
In a suit with a vest and tie,
Or in blue jeans and a t-shirt
Like some ordinary casual guy?
How would I know if I saw Him,
A crown of thorns on His head?
Would He be dark as a Hebrew,
Bearded, sad, and ill-fed?
How could I be sure he was Jesus
No name tag adorns his chest?
Should I simply sit and watch Him
As He waits in line with the rest?
What would you do if you saw Him,
Fall to your knees to pray,
Offer Him wine and a bit of bread
And tell Him to have a nice day?

Death to the Yellow Fly

Oh, yellow fly, why don’t you die
Before you sting me on my thigh!
I hate the itch you leave behind
You sneaky pest, so hard to find!
You hide yourself beneath my hair,
Then bite before I know you’re here.
What purpose do you have in life
Except to cause annoying strife!

Air Potato Vine

I wish I had the energy of the air potato vine.
It grows at least an inch a day, in a clock-wise twine.
I wonder if I planted one down in Australia – say,
Would it grow from left to right or curl the other way?

The Lubber Grasshopper

There’s a grasshopper in my flower bed of such enormous size.
The biggest bug I’ve ever seen – I can’t believe my eyes.
Chartreuse, dark green and yellow with just a spot of pink,
Black eyes open – watching me – without a single blink.
A can of spray is in my hand; a decision to be made.
If I don’t zap it right away, progeny will invade.
But I’m just too tender-hearted, can’t kill it – there’s no way
And so that Lubber grasshopper will nosh another day.

My Voice

When I find it necessary to vent my spleen
I try to do it in rhyme.
It may bring a smile to the complainee
Though it does take a bit more time.
Here are complaints that I have mailed
About things that cause me to fret
They may not spur anything to change
But my attitude’s better, you can bet!
(To ABC channel 9 WFTV)
We hope that you will notice when you see the weather map;
‘Tween Marion and Flagler counties there’s quite a gap.
This is South Putnam County. We are viewers too.
Would be nice to be included when the storms begin to brew!
(To Schlumberger Corp upon receipt of a computer disk entitled "Who We Are.")
I guess that I will never know just who you are that earns my dough.
A computer does not grace my house. I have not learned to use the mouse.
A Video would please me more. I can do the VCR.
Please note that this is sent in fun, but really – am I the only one?
(To Campbell Soup Co.)
The pop-tops on soup cans make me so mad.
This is an idea terribly bad!
One breaks a thumbnail releasing the top.
When opened, the contents are sure to slop
Onto the front of me causing a stain.
I doubt I shall buy Campbell’s soups again.